Do you have any idea why the dryer isn't working?
Because you touch yourself at night.
I woke up and she had breakfast in bed for me
RUN RUN RUN RUN
i refuse to live in a world where loud threesomes in your own apartment are referred to as "rude"
did you yell "are you not entertained?"
Disregard any previous text from the past 12 hours. Except for the one about scoring a strike while drunk bowling. Remember that one.
I have no idea what happened last night, but you're the only person I remember smashing my face into. Be honored.
It's like, I'm the official vagina for that DJ group
his apartment was in a funeral home, walk of shamed through a visiation in the skankiest outfit i own
They sat at the bar while we waited for a table. When the hostess came to seat us, they were shitfaced, and swordfighting wth chop sticks.
I have no idea. There are 6 asians singing hey soul sister to me right now.
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with someone crawling around my carpet for 3 hours trying to pick up spilled coke...
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with ME crawling around your carpet for 3 hours trying to save my investment.
Right now you and beer are my only friends.
I vaguely remember losing my underwear to 2 chicks in a bathroom. That drunk.
I also have bagel bites. I know that's not as big an incentive as the cocksucking but.....
She's currently singing "I'm gonna keep on lovin you" to her pillow. How do you think tonight went?
FINE I guess I'll just drink regular coke like a PLEBIAN.
Randomize
