why am i having a flashback about somewhere we were this weekend with music videos playing? Spike jonze brothers place?? Help me out
i saved all my weight watcher points for this alcohol
its summer. and we all know college gfs do not count in summer.
college gfs dont count ever. theyre like getting corn rows in jamaica. you feel cool at the time. then you go home and people make fun of you.
And then falling down drunk the next morning, concussing yourself and splitting your head open?
That was pretty sad, but you more than made up for it by using "concussing" in a sentence
mom took my condoms, found one in the trash the next day
I know she was great
corn on the cob and anal lube are not substitutes for the real thing
Okay I've seen like three girls walking around crying today. Weird?
everyone's regretting their thursdays.
What hospital were we in last night? Insurance needs to know
I am 100% positive that I have seen a porno that was shot in this bar.
You called yourself Captain Aspirin and then tried to cure my headache by shoving pills up my nose. Fuck you becoming a nurse, you can't take care of me while you're drunk ever again. Ever.
Im dating a 38 year old who's lap I can fit in. Tell me I don't have daddy issues.
why is there a fishing net hanging from my ceiling fan?
My mom was looking at curtains for me and sent pictures and I had to be like "not the Disney princess pink and purple, more like an acid trip"
I thought I was bad, the girl next to me on the bench was feeding a bush a hamburger and introduced me. Only at lollapalooza.
when I finally sobered up enough to get out of bed this morning I went to talk to mom and forgot that I had TITS written in big letters on both my hands. I love drinking games.
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