I just found out I have a small penis.
Couldn't you tell by how you've NEVER had a girlfriend?
how do u look a man in the eye when u own both his daughters V-Cards?
Im rethinking drunk tuesdays. Also rethinking ovaries.
Woke up shivering behind the titty bar, With the worst leg cramps. I'm like a poster boy for responsibility.
You drink it until you puke in a vent one time and it's ruined forever.
Tranny group. Dance off. Horse hair and dicks swinging. I. Cant. Unsee. This.
Dude he downed 9 shots of tequila, sang bohemian rhapsody with 3 randoms Wayne's world style, solo'd closing time, chased the hot bartender's dog all the way to main, tackled him, carried him back, hot bar tender hugged AND kissed him, then he does a jumping heel click and leaps into my car through the window. Next rounds free at the yeti. Needless to say your little brother is a tequila god.
Basically.
Apparently when it was last call I jumped up on the bar and told everyone to get the fuck out, which was immediately followed by a round of applause from the bouncers/bartenders and my tab getting paid as well.
Only you would have a vasectomy while you're awake and report on the soundtrack first
He seems like a super lonely dude. I bet if I gave him a picture of my tits he wouldn't make me turn in this paper.
So, my love of dick may have landed me in a cult. On the bright side, I now have a discount at Spencer's.
we should most definitely have a fire extinguisher in the apartment. like... for sure
I would fuck him just for his dog
dude the last time we saw him was 2 nights ago when he was yelling that the trees were naked or some shit then he ran into the forest. I think its time for a search party
no no no no you can't just say your dirtiest secret is "i sat on goldfish by accident once" and just leave i have QUESTIONS
AT LEAST TELL ME IF THE GOLDFISH WAS STILL IN A BOWL??????????????
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