thank you for a lively/lovely evening :)
should have blown me.
other girls like to lick balls but none of them live for it like u do
I'm at McDonalds and when I walked up to the register the guy said "I'm so sorry." Before I said a word. That's how bad my hangover is.
Lesbians. Lesbians everywhere.
23 Strangest Things That Gave Dudes A Boner
I haven't seen any of my friends sober in months. We have classes together.
Its not monday til someone throws up in the hallway
Just got back from fathers day breakfast. So hungover i couldn't eat so i just slipped my food in my pockets and threw it out while i puked in the bathroom.
Just saw a 300lb woman fall down. Shes screaming like a beached manatee. Her 120lb boyfriend is trying to push her up. It's like watching an infant try to bench
Her facebook status said "just got a sign from god". I texted her and apparently she found a slice of pizza in the shower.
You almost married that.
These 21 People Shouldn’t Be Giving Dating Advice
Given everything we have talked about, is it wrong to ask you to be faithful to me, despite still dating him?
Sorry, they don't make maternity Power Ranger suits...
Is it acceptable to cry on a Friday or am I supposed to drink to forget it?
I partied with a deaf mute last night. strangely enough the more drunk I get the easier it is to understand him.
i just thought a plastic bag was my cat. i just pet a plastic bag. that high.
I found a used condom and a hairbrush in my dryer this morning.
Hiring someone to do your laundry would be a good investment.