I smell stomach acid.
"Does your mom know how big your cock is?" Worst dirty talk I've ever had.
doing a bong hit while wearing crest white strips...not such a great idea...
I just washed champagne and tuna off my body. I feel like that was a successful shower.
i think you broke pat's ankle when you drove over it... he's freaking out but on a more serious note i'm 99% sure i saw a werewolf
He came in looking for condoms, iced coffee, and a gas tank. I need to be where he's going.
I'm staying in tonight, it's my Christmas present to my liver.
I have reached the point in my life where I realized this is what I'm going to do for the rest of my life. Eat, shit , bar, drink, drank, drunk.
If you have a glass table... Put it up. I don't wanna hurt myself again, I just got my stitches out...
Don't you dare blame me for walking in one walking in on ur fuck session....u decided to fuck where we hid our booze
Seriously, webMD this shit for me, I cant move and I dont wanna die until I have something worth fighting over in my will
Admittedly shitfaced... I have two questions. 1)why is the fan in my bathroom on? (Sub-text: is there a ghost?). 2) is your underwear really argyle?
The whole time we were hanging out my vagina was yelling at me like its a real live penis that wants to have sex with us what are you doing
Are you drinking tequila at 1pm? ...at Disneyland?
Gotta love college... Pregamed for my 8:30 flight home this morning and gave the flight attendants all high fives when I got on the plane. Best ride of my life.
Randomize
