you really need to stop walk of shaming home from theme parties.
i took a field sobriety test yesterday. a crowd gathered, watched me pass it and applauded. then the cops arrested me because i took a bow and fell over.
apparently he couldn't remember my name so he refereed to me as whats-her-boobs and everyone knew that it was me he was talking about
He got drunk and insisted on licking my eyeball and called it a test of my trust in him.
19 Unhappily Married People Confess The Red Flags They Ignored
Sometimes I wonder how different my life would be if I didn't share a weekly margarita with my mom since i was 12
she scratched her sororities letters into my back when she was done. i think i was part of some sick game. sick twisted sexy game
I'd feel sorry for him and his injury but it's an inconvenience for my vagina
I could study for finals and ace all my tests but wheres the fun in that? id rather black out and hope for the best
Dammit labor day drinking cancelled due to 3 inch long table saw cut to palm
These 23 People Destroyed Their Entire Lives In An Instant
He woke me up at 5am to recite nursery rhymes to our fictitious unborn child.
That's why we don't trade sex for Taco Bell. It's called the dollar menu.
I think my body is a cloud. This mixture of things is heavenly. Dare was wrong, drugs are awesome.
This is a mass text to all my friends. Whoever gets this first, please find me and confiscate my phone immediately. I am far too high to have it. Even if you have to punch me in my face to get it. Otherwise, let the "High While Analyzing Disney Movies" texts begin.
falling asleep on a hardwood floor changes a person
His truck was very sexy. Unfortunately, shortly thereafter, I discovered that the whole overcompensating thing is very true...