Threw my underwear in my purse as I was running away after sex last night, went to pick up my birth control prescription this morning, took out my wallet and accidentally flung my sweet thong onto the counter in front of the cashier. Think that was the universes way of telling me I am a whore.
When I came home you were watching infomercials, eating croutons out of the box and salsa from a funnel. Well done.
Five girls, one freshman pledge. We're like our own Make A Wish Foundation.
bio was interesting today. swabbed my mouth to see what the cells where, ha. found a sperm cell. he was just that awesome
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Well, it's 24 hours till finals. I need high A's on all of them and I still am not sure where exactly on campus most of my classes took place.
He said he had a problem he needed to take care of before we got omelets and then showed me his erection.
I know that was a dream because I woke up and there was no pizza
The hookers weren't a dream get tested
He was having a "party in the princess castle." At what point do I blindfold him and take him to AA?
Would it be weird to jack off in the hospital?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He's on the floor in just a Burberry tie. All my girl parts just tapped out.
I'm just mad because I can't play gta5 all day tomorrow cuz I'll be in court testifying against a craigslist prostitute...
You gave your one night stand my number. I told him you left for your sex change an hour ago.
bullshit you weren't drunk, you pointed at me and said my cigarette was empty
My soul is telling me that I need to take this exam naked.
he said he couldn't believe he just lost his virginity and passed out. what have i done
Randomize