last night was a success...if success means i don't remember the guy's name and my panties are somewhere in the parking lot behind the bar
Wine + wine + wine + wine + bud light = puke.
You only like me because I'm a challenge
You already blew me
Dammit. I drunkenly drank all my milk at 6 AM in a misguided stupor to prevent my roommates from stealing my milk.
I can't believe we had "50th anniversary of man in space" sex.
Who ate shrimp cocktail in my bathroom last night?
Idk we were snorting lines and making out in the stall while these people were cheering us on, on the other side. And that's when I realized he wasn't the only guy in the girls bathroom.
My sister hid me from my parents, brought me a bloody mary, and told my girlfriend I was out with my dad. For 13, I got to say she's working out pretty good.
My vagina was just really confused why you weren't inside it
Just set myself on fire a little bit. Made me think of you.
He woke me up, handed me a ringing phone and said break up w her for me. That hung over.
I just heard your voicemail. Glad you like my dick and think I'm cool
I found where he bartends and I guarantee you that in approximately nine months from this Friday, you will have a niece
My co-worker accidentally texted me regarding the threesome him and other one are planning.
youll appreciate my drinking habit one day...
Randomize
