PS- did you die? If you did just text "dead" to me, so that I know.
i might even pee on it at walmart i am so nervous
My boobs are too big for things to be going this downhill in my life.
He was drunk at Denny's at 5 am saying how Dear John was the worst movie he has ever seen... eyes filled with tears.
Would you be offended if I asked you to smoke a blunt with me while I pooped?
you know you have a brother who cares when he hands you a piece of pizza before you pass out from too many bong hits
Excellent idea. Nothing says "congrats for resurrecting yourself, Jesus" like Greygoose at noon!
I tell myself every day I shouldn't be friends with you
Someone had written "Boxmonsterette" on the bathroom wall and I just knew you'd been here.
They are stoned and trying to learn sign language together. It's like watching a chimp waving at itself in a mirror.
Well its all fun and games until you get naked with your ex in the shower. that's NOT flirting
Mid-fucking he screams "YOU CAN'T VOTE FOR TRUMP"
i was making a gravity bong in my room and my dad walked in. he helped me finish. i love being home for the holidays.
Haha i really think theres no better way to tell a paramedic sorry for breaking your nose than a beautiful and healthy edible arrangement...
Can I come kidnap you from work so we can chug mimosas? My little brother has a ski mask I can borrow.
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