two pink lines on a pregnancy test is bad, isn't it?
only if you didn't want to fuck up your life.
you tried to scramble eggs in my dryer last night. i want you here in 15 minutes to clean this shit up
She woke up 3 seperate times, each time she had a look of pure terror on her face, she had no clue where she was.
I'm drinking beergaritas with a dog who is high and a baby
your completely serious
Luckily my prof thought I was puking from nerves and gave me motivational mini speeches the entire final.
Well sundance is in town and Im going to use my one and only shot to bang Taylor swift... Does it count as a random if shes famous?
Well, no one has ever described you as a perfectly balanced individual
I agree though, his intact virginity is truly the tragedy of the century.
I thought you wanted to talk?
What part of "Lets have angry sex" means I want to talk?
Yet he continued to eat cereal out of the glove compartment in my car.
Dear God, please let me get my period. And if this one is fiercer than usual I completely understand.
No? The only contact I've had with him for months was when I drunk texted him from Costa Rica to say that all jazz sounds the same
I DEMAND FORESKIN
She told us she had powers and that eating tree bark cures the shits.
Want to go to Victoria’s Secret? His fiancée is out of town and I’m going to try and stop the wedding with lingerie and lots adventurous sex
Absolutely! I love a good sexual filibuster!
Randomize
