between no blow jobs for the rest of his life, or no cheese for the rest of his life, he chose no blowjobs. ive never felt so bad about my bj abilities before
def just vomited mimosa in the gym trashcan. i weigh less already so i say its been a solid workout.
I smell like booze and the valet literally buckled me in, def top 3 walks of shame
nah, they dropped the charges. apparently ripping his junk when he tried to hop the fence seemed like punishment enough...
How bad would it be if I wore out the dress we got peed on in. You're the only one who knows.
We also had rum, but now that's all gone. Which I feel is appropriate for a pirate party.
Is 1:30 too early for the bar?
Do you want my opinion or society's?
I want your company
Hooked up with a girl in the dorm laundry room tonight. And got invited to go to Vegas for free. That's how today's going.
he thought it would be funny to put his dick inside a beer bottle and wear it around. until we all realized how small his dick would have to be to fit in a beer bottle
It is clearly not my fault that you decided studying was more important than trying to bang our hot teacher for an A, so I seized the opportunity.
we got cupcakes after we fucked. gives a whole new meaning to sugar daddy
You weren't stupid you just made an ass of yourself. It's called a birthday party. That's code for night of regrets.
I get so sad when I watch him slowly destroy his life with whiskey and cocaine. Then he bites my neck and I just want to fuck him. I can't help it.
My ex-wife, who I haven't heard from since the divorce, just Amazoned me cherry flavored massage oil and a rainbow caps with the message "Happy Pride". What's the polite response?
Either my boss has an enormous dick or he’s hiding a can of tennis balls in his bike shorts
Maybe I will go to the company picnic
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