My mother just asked me if i ever swallow the goods...should i be concerned?
the last thing i remember was trying to convince him to call over his girlfriend so we could have a threesome
shes a baton twirler.. i expected her to be better with her hands.
You were rubbing sand all over yourself and everyone else and claiming you were "EXFOLIATING."
After last night, I've decided I will now bang only men who professionally ride things for a living. I will accept jockeys, cowboys, bullriders, and pro bicyclists who lie and say they're bullriders.
I just feel like I should give it a rest. I'm too old to be drinking bottles of grey goose and falling into koi ponds.
OHMYGOD did I try to use pinesol as a mixer?
Yeah thats cool. We can play the alphabet game while doing bumps of coke in the back of his volswagon
I'll pick you up. Avoid slightly awkward no-we're-not-dating-but-I'm-still-screwing-your-son-after-2-years parental run-ins.
lets talk about you, dubstep, and a bunny suit.
His last Google search was "will sperm ruin the retina display on Apple products?"
I think the biggest problem with being overhigh is when the kitchen was on fire and I was pointing and laughing and eating rootbeer oreos like it was fucking Ozzfest 2000
Just walked by the barren window naked in a family neighborhood. Who needs dignity.
I just got a text giving me an hour window for when my vibrator is gonna be delivered. If that's not awesome customer service, I don't know what is.
He’s definitely circumcised. There’s not enough room in those speedos for a foreskin with that fire hose he’s packing.
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