May have just accidentally purchased an iphone on Kate's credit card. This has potential to be bad.
I got my nipple pierced! I love it so much!
Well, there goes breastfeeding.
I popped a zit on your vagina. Don't say I never loved you.
Chasing tequila with honey. Ill let you know how it turns out.
How many people can say they've shit on the floor of a five star hotel?
I didn't even realize I grinded on a security guard last night. Shit. Did he at least like it?
Buying a pregnancy test at Walmart in the middle of the night in the middle of Tennessee is not really how I imagined my 25th year on this planet starting out...
I literally walked into the toilet, looked at my reflection, said "alcohol" and went back to bed...
Her ex wouldn't stop texting her so she started replying with various pictures of Britney spears's breakdown
"I'm not drinking any more tonight." As I dipped my quesadilla in a shot of tequila....then eats it
It's a sexual break up. We maintain a friendship and leave any and all sexual attraction out. It's not hard, having a baby is harder than that.
The awkward moment your booty call shows up to the Mexican restaurant and realizes you just picked burritos over pussy
I woke up in the bathtub with money shoved down my pants. I must've done something right.
Hey does the gas gauge in your car work?
Nevermind...we figured it out. Heres a more relevant question, does your insurance have roadside assistance?
I want to be her friend more than I want to fuck her boyfriend.
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