oh my god. my mom just found my pipe. she thought it was a dildo.
like i said, there should be a sitcom about your family.
im still going. this is my new reality. also. dont take glowsticks in the bath. they explode. actually. do. it. its beautiful.
i dont think thats healthy man...
I definitely made out with a high school student last night while his sister and my brother were in the same room. I think we're all traumatized by the situation.
is there a way to sugar-coat "shes in jail" when someone is texting me asking where their friend is?
I think my vagina has grown over, not unlike earring holes when not used in a long amount of time.
I wasn't an ass in college so much more like I showed my ass a lot especially during serious beerpong games. You know I don't fuck around when it comes to sports.
That guy drinking savagely was actually at his buddy's gay bachelor party in the male stripper section. He came over to the chicks side so we drank with him.
He had some sort of penis-related post traumatic stress disorder, but body shots seemed to wake him up
Also, I just realized you seduced me while in a batman onesie... Well done, sir. Well done.
As yoda would say; A bitch, she is.
Do you ever just feel like you can feel hormones radiating from your uterus?
fyi, pepper spray hurts. whoever comes up with the best backstory wins a prize.
I know this is super early in advance but can I borrow your horse mask on 4/20
NO FUCKBOY SHALL PASS OPERATION #BITCHMODE HAS SUCCEEDED
I just made the same noise looking at my salami sandwich as I do hooking up with you.
“On a break” is implied when it’s a Russian chick dressed as Black Widow wearing Minnie Mouse ears
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