Last night I apparently send my boss a picutre of my boobs. On the bonus part I got a raise today. So I just want to thank your parents for naming you Jeff cuz if I was not so hammered last night I would have sent it to the right one.
i just saw a woman using her birth control packet as a wallet.
Wow, haven't had to deal with the 'stoned at the dinner table' scenario in a while
aparently i pased my english final. I don't even remember taking it.
Codeine + Boredom = Sprinting between my front and back door.
He was having a "party in the princess castle." At what point do I blindfold him and take him to AA?
Promise me, at my funeral, you will re-enact our human sledding incident of 2011....you can use my dead body as said sled.
This is John, I met you downtown last night.
Oh, ok.
This is the cop that kept you out of trouble last night
Nope not happening. When I close my eyes the floor moves. I'm going to enjoy this free roller coaster.
hey remember that mom you brought home from the bar last month... she is currently driving me back to her place. turning my phone off now.
Stoned in some guys basement listening to ELO. it's like its 1978.
I am going to be so excited tomorrow when I find this box of crayons in my purse
I still think it's strange your mom saw me 93% naked with a Santa hat on and a raging boner. Tis the season right?
Had a one night stand and didnt remember the guys name until he started sending me poems in the mail.
We found him. He just came running out of the closet with a bruise on his face saying he has been fighting elves in Narnia for a year.
Randomize
