i can't watch a movie tonight dude, im smoking weed
you smoke with your eyes?
U know its gonna be a great day when the guy at the liquor store waves at u cause u walked by
if socks could get pregnant i would have catholic amounts of kids
two words: eviction party
you can't exactly throw up or pass out at the pentagon so i had to pull my shit together
why is there a clump of hair nailed to my wall?
The gym has a pool
my gym membership just went from "way to get in shape" to "place to go swim when I'm high"
You insisted on calling your mixture of Bacardi & powdered milk "a Jamacian Facial."
If you're wondering where your left shoe is you lost it in a bet with a homeless guy last night
Girl on the bus just slammed her book shut, turned to me and said "I'm way to fucking high to be studying"
Looks like breakfast in bed is out the window. She can't get up because I "fucked her into paralysis." My stomach is not happy with my dick right now
I may be bringing home two guys tonight. I'f they won't go for a double-team you can have the lanky one.
It was incredible. For as long as I live, I will gladly drop whatever I'm doing and spend a night with her face between my legs ANY time she asks.
I am decidedly straight, but I'll write it into my wedding vows if I have to.
My neighbor came out@4am in a pink nite gown n clotheslined a punk on a mo-ped w/her mop handle, then just walked back in her house like she just checked the mail. MILF 1 PUNK 0
Can I bother you for a second.
You always bother me but go on.
Randomize
