You just compared our sex life to a seven year old kid.
Ahhh... Adderall running out my nose in the shower really brings back memories.
if i die of alcohol poisoning tonight, just know i kinda expected it and totally deserved it
All I've consumed over the last couple days is Vanilla Coke, semen, and Coors. I don't think today will be any different.
2 out of 3 people here lost their shoes. America.
is it mean that i live tweeted about whether or not my roommate and her bf were having sex or were wrestling?
Oh and in case you were wondering it is not a good idea to eat weed brownies and then go out to the bar. When I got off the bar stool my high had just hit me and I felt like Bambi taking his first steps
Shit. I'm suppose to call the bank but I'm too high to talk numbers.
So that groomsmen was naked under his kilt. Also I just had sex in the elevator. And yes, those two updates are definitely related.
It'll be a romanticized airport meeting until I'm judged for sitting on his face in the terminal
I threw up in my closet when I was hammered last night. Like a fucking toddler. I can't play with the grow ups.
I don't know what happened this summer, I've lost my sense of morality. All I do now is work, get drunk, and have sex near national landmarks.
Was your wine and cheese snap taken from the toilet?
Dude is PACKING. And yes I am holding up a cross and holy water and hissing like a pissed off goose.
The housekeeper found my huge dildo under the bathroom sink, and another in the living room. I can't get much more single than this.
Randomize
