I murdered the dance floor call the cops
You would get kicked out of the study lounge for being drunk the monday of finals week
Well, you're either very drunk or very high but I'll let it slide because I love any type of conversation concerning cheese.
I just saw someone EAT a flashcard out of frustration. Finals suck.
this girl is like a spa retreat for my dick
Just got my first unemployment direct deposit!!!' celebrating at the beach
Me toooooo!! Margaritas
I never knew being a drain on a functioning society would feel so good
I am incapable of maintaining a guy's interest in me. It's like erectile dysfunction but with feelings
Is it wrong that I want to do a nude photo shoot with nothing but a light saber?
Because I was drunk or stoned for 4 days. I either made terrible decisions or none at all.
I'm trying to be all porn star and he's making it all The Notebook
Believe me honey Imma fuck the discount out of at least one plastic surgeon in my life
Just called the boss a "cunt baguette". To her face. This is why I can't drink with people from work. Know of anywhere that's hiring?
You can't leave me alone in times of distress because I will fuck things 🙈😐
And by "have lunch together" you mean me giving you a blow job in the back of your Tahoe, right?
So learned a new trick last night.... Taking body shots from my own tits... Mom would be so proud
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