yo I wanna see you, bring that beard of yours
okay, this is the fifth time he asked if it was in yet. maybe i shouldn't have dated a blind guy.
I just heard a girl in all seriousness say, "I told him I'm not a stalker. I just really really want to talk to him."
It doesn't matter if he doesn't speak English because I speak the international language of blowies.
i just heard someone have an orgasm and then throw up through the vent in my room.
I was mid-pee and he walked in, claimed he was looking for his phone, and then asked if we could hook up since we were finally alone.
so yall hooked up?
Your maid of honor is passed out in a golf cart on the 18th hole.
Yes. Yes. Double yes. I'll bring the tits. You bring the frosting.
He's dressed as a power ranger handing out cocaine
I love that your nipples always taste like clean laundry.
Dude you chased a girl around the yard and then fell over the curb. Face first. You got up on your own tho so you reached champion status
Honestly and this might sound scary... But I want to get high and play with weapons
I'm SO high. And there is so much pudding in this car
If sleeping with your boss doesnt scream job security i dont know what does.
Woke up way too warm in the middle of a spooning sandwich. Was working up a rant about still not wanting a threesome. Then I realized the littlest spoon was the dog. Might need to break up anyway.
Randomize
