if you made me into a cookie and threw me into a betty crocker easy bake oven on christmas morning...that's how baked i am
Ill pay your DUI fine if you just come see me nooooowwwww
no. its 2:30am and im not going to jail for a booty call
fyi, if youre wondering if offering a female police officer sexual favors will get you out of a ticket, the answer is no.
At barnes & noble, drinking beer out of thermoses, lookin legit.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Let me just inform you of my purse contents right now. Three cum rags, a sock full of cum, xanax, and a fake moustache. This is my life.
I seem to remember you being very disappointed that drinking Michelob Ultra didn't give you magic powers.
I think my uterus is still laying in your bed somewhere under the covers.
My meds have diminished my sex drive, this must be what regular women feel like
I still can't believe he came down from his hiding place in the tree voluntarily because he didn't want us to have to talk to the cops alone...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Number of twigs I found in my hair: 5
He pissed on a police station. Then expected to not be arrested. Sounds accurate.
He sent me a snap of him eating a tamale shirtless. I think I might be in love.
LOCK HIM DOWN.
Who says no to sex and donuts?!
Within the first 2 minutes of this morning, I found out the Lions lost on last play, and Scott Weiland died. I wont be in today.
We could just stay sober.
No! We tried that once.
It sucked.
Randomize