New low. Found an ant nibbling on my last xanax. Flicked it away and popped it in my mouth anyways.
He actually believes he's not an alcoholic if he doesn't go to meetings.
IT'S FRIDAY. So quit being a pussy, get out of bed, and come help me drink these 40s. That's not a request.
no, i'm currently making the trek across campus to get all my stuff from last night. My ID is in one guys bed, and my camera in another guy's bed.
I pretty much have hash tequila and gelato for dinner every night
Let's get one thing straight; we aren't in a relationship. We fuck and occasionally go to subway.
Tomorrow, if I don't look at least 5% better than I do on a regular day to day basis, I want you to hit me and tell me that no one will ever love me if I continue to look like I just rolled out of a cocaine induced hibernation. I'm asking you for tough love.
New Halloween costume idea: Frankenstorm. We have three hours. Make it work.
Playing nyquil pong with a cat again
Judging by your snapchat you're totally working on your project and definitely not singing, "The Sign" while shirtless with another man.
I decided I was tough enough to wax my bikini area myself. Long story short, I'll be drunk when you get home
HOW DID ALL OF US MISS THE OBVIOUS: I'LL SHAKE YOUR SPEARE
I can't get the smell of burned penis out of the house
Well, I'll handle this like I always do. Black the fuck out, make out with randoms, give out my number like candy. You know. Standard operating procedure
Not sure how my purse ended up in the bushes last night... Or why there was a noodle strainer in the toilet.
Randomize
