I'm such a slut...i kept having sex with him after he called me his ex gf's name. I just felt like i deserved something out of it too.
everytime someone would look at you, you started to try and deep throat your beer bottle.
My professor complimented me on the well drawn penis on my face then asked if I would like a seat closer to the garbage can.
I was naked with an australian flag taped to my boobs. Damn internationals think they can claim everything.
I JUST MET THE GIANT MAN THAT WILL CARRY ME FROM PLACE TO PLACE
Explain it like you would if you were talking to a 5 yo
Wait no, like you would to a stoned high school freshman.
Can we just discuss how hundreds of miles away we were both beyond drunk and in some boys bed. That is the definition of friendship.
Not sure if you're still doing the whole "sleeping with only one person" thing but if you're not we should sleep together when I get back in town tonight.
And that's why we do second round interviews for possible roommates.
Yes sir I did. I'll be there with a guest. And no, my date won't be an escort.
Well if that changes tell the escort to bring cocaine.
How can other people our age be acting like adults when I'm still taking my birth control pill with left over gin and tonic from the night before?
i fell out of the car and didnt spill my drink. come overrrr
truly a win in your book
On my way home from the dentist. Was going to call and see if you would like to wake and bake, then remembered my sister is an adult
She's the queen of dating. She managed to get a date with a guy who saw her puke five times in two hours.
What's the polite way to say "hey I don't actually want to fuck you, I just swiped right on you because you didn't like me in high school and I needed validation"
Randomize
