I just accidently tagged myself in the picture of the 16 year olds spreading their legs in bikinis. Failure.
yeah that pretty much nipped itself in the bud when I realized i could see her whiteheads glowing in the blacklight
the girl sitting next to me in class is using her birth control box as a ruler
Dude manswers just said that a guy can only cum up to eight times in one day. I'm gonna prove that show wrong.
ha well at least you have goals.
i walked in the apt and she was vacuuming. i asked why and she said so we could have sex on the floor. i love clean freaks.
Hooking up with one of the deadbeat dads from Teen Mom does not qualify as banging a celebrity.
You said your legs stopped working and then pulled yourself around the floor with your hands.
That explains the wood chips stuck in my nipples.
tanning, a slurpee, and a cigarette. spa day college edition
I found my weird threshold when Truth or Dare became everyone get naked and snort Adderall off the kitchen counter.
also, am i correct in guessing that advertising the size of my hypothetical penis is a turnoff to him?
A 3am FaceTime to go to IHOP is the closest thing to a bootycall that I'm getting
Peanut butter and whiskey is not a dinner
Ordered a pizza stoned. The guy handed me my pizza and I tried to pay him by handing him back the pizza.
We were right in the middle of sex and all of a sudden his kids toy story action figure starts talking "I think the word your searching for is Space Ranger." A literal Buzz kill. It was equally creepy and hilarious.
I just walked in on Joel doing a buck naked tripod headstand in front of the mirror so he could see the bug bite on his balls
Randomize
