i jus pukd everywherw but i took a showr, come cuddle
how did your night go?
he asked for my myspace name.
My dad just told me he used to masturbate to cat woman...he then proceeded to beat my brother in beer pong and wont let me play...
As far as classy things to do in front of your ex go, throwing up on your own shirt is not one of them.
Following a car with a GPS. We don't know where he's going, but he probably has a better idea of where we're going than we do. Also, very high.
Fucking freshmen need to learn how to puke in the bushes outside the dorm and not in the fucking elevator.
She soaked the fruit in vodka for ten minutes and then mixed it with normal fruit and sherbert icecream. It was called "lottery fruit".
Can we get blazed at 9:06 on sunday and reenact the moment of my birth?
I get to be your mom.
You called yourself Captain Aspirin and then tried to cure my headache by shoving pills up my nose. Fuck you becoming a nurse, you can't take care of me while you're drunk ever again. Ever.
So he says "my girlfriends coming over so you have to leave but I love you"
Also I owe you 20 bucks, a clean towel and a glass of scotch. I'll even throw in a blow job
Let's be honest I'm gonna watch murder she wrote and eat taquitos at three am
coming down from speed on a 5 hour flight home from vegas is not a valid reason for calling off work the next day
so i said i had a yeast infection
You woke up, looked straight at me and screamed "fuck barbara streisand!" and passed out again
may or may not have snorted a line of tums... wtf.
Randomize
