we went to that german restaurant and drank out of the boots. Then I threw up into one
if your dad confronts the dude you fucked about the background check he did on him, NOT GONNA GET A CALL BACK
Thank you for leaving pool of vagina on my girlfriends carpet.
Aren't I supposed to sit on your face?
she was trying to give me a handjob in biology class while we were learning about the penis.
I feel bad for the person that has to clean the dishes that I peed on last night.
Well, I can't relate. I have no idea what it feels like to withhold sex. Or have self-control in general.
she got into med school, i feel dumb for banging her dance major friend
I woke up in nothing but a shower cap and your sparkling coke straw snorter thing inbetween my toes. Explain.
Like do you realize his dealer came out with a gun and we laughed like it was all just fun and games...
There would be some who claim I got a little "carried away" or that we "probably don't need that many jello shots". They would be wrong.
Up until today, I never would have thought I'd have to tell someone not to color on the cat
your life is going to be an empowering working mom montage tomorrow to Katy P's ROAR... --are you living in a yoplaít comercial?
Just burnt my tongue. Not sure if it will help or hurt giving blow jobs
A picture of a damn cupcake brought back 3 fuckboys
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