mmm... i enjoy making beautiful women smile
She just texted me saying, "I wish you were a better person so I could fuck you without regrets"
You know you love balls. Don't act all "I-Don't-Love-Balls-ish"
There is a semi-attractive guy at the door who's looking for you. Says he met you on Chatroulette. Start explaining NOW.
The tent neighbors already set us on fire w an errant roach. How do you think Bonnaroo's going?!
drunkie insisted on stuffing the rest of his scrambled eggs in his pockets before we left ihop. we really should have left a better tip
hey, this is the ginger girl from the party...i've thought about it and I wanna join the american girl drinking team
I walked out of the bedroom naked holding a used condom only to be greeted by half of my family. Happy birthday mom
The stripper was waving you to the stage, not up on the stage. That's why you got choked out.
I broke my arm trying to do a hand stand in my shower to wash the hate out of my asshole.
This guy on the tube is sooooooo high. Eyes are bloodshot and he's licking his headphone cords.
She wouldn't eat a clam- if you blow a line pregnant you can eat a clam
It's ok, I did squats with my bottle of wine before I opened it. That counts as the gym since I won't be getting there haha
I am naked and annoyed.
You can cuddle me. Word on the street is my ass is ridiculous.
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