And then I said "flip over. I want to show you something i learned in Afghanistan."
sitting in my room eating a boneless rib tv dinner, and listening to taylor swift's love story, and i sharted. had to finish the ribs and hear the end of the song before i went to the bathroom to wipe.
i got lost in a forest last night. this morning I realized the "forest" was just 6 trees on campus.
life is all about the fine print - all i wanted was a fucking pony.
He showed me a four inch blond hair that grows out of his side. He calls it his little ray of sunshine. Please come get me.
We were sitting in my backseat and he just kept biting me and telling me we weren't at the zoo...
The fire alarm went off at 3 am in the freshmen dorm. So guess which junior everyone now knows is hooking up with a freshman? This girl...
She straight up told me, "I don't care if he films as long as he's quiet." You sure you can't find the camera?
Just got assigned a beer bong as hw in fluids to demonstrate the inverse of pascals principle. I love this prof
Yeah man i woke up and only had a Jimmy John's wrapper covering myself..
hey remember that mom you brought home from the bar last month... she is currently driving me back to her place. turning my phone off now.
Its like he woke the dragon, and the dragon is hungry for a good dick.
If you take a post shower shit just get back in bed. You're better off starting your whole morning all over again.
My sobriety has gotten out of control. I think I need an intervention.
I don't want to hook up with him sober. That's pretty much like saying I love you.
Randomize
