I know, he also has a fancy car to make up for his tiny penis
I really want to fuck my wifes sister.
my mom just informed me my dog smells like cum
I have to collect my sorority sisters from greek row... I hate how being dd is a night and morning job
Sorry about your blender, your tiolet, your weed, and your dog...
I'm eager to hear this explaination.
You fell asleep leaning on my shoulder at the bar
Maybe you shouldn't go to cosmic bowling, i don't know if cum glows and I don't wanna find out i'm sure his parents don't either.
I'm gonna win the lottery and buy chinchillas and tattoos for everyone
You got in the cab and told the cab driver "we only have seven bucks so you better drive fucking fast".
Two options. One, you listen while I freak out. Two, we have mediocre to awesome car sex and don't talk. Either way, I'll be there by 7
In the middle of me riding him, he stopped me and said "You're the kind of person who would be restrained for being obnoxiously drunk on an airplane, huh?"
Also, sorry about chilling in just the towel last night. You know I have ADD and somehow even after looking at you, I forgot I'm not the only person living there right now
I puked on his mom. Not my proudest moment
I mean I'm completely serious and also drunk.
What a great combination.
I don't wanna see it, I don't wanna touch it, I just want it in me.
Randomize
