The fire alarm went off at 3 am in the freshmen dorm. So guess which junior everyone now knows is hooking up with a freshman? This girl...
Send us your Text From Last Night!
I ended up with bruises on the back of my knees. Tell me again how I did this?
She suggested that I come visit her in Europe and hook up with the heteroflexible Korean who sits next to her in class. Polylove is the best love.
he suggested we do it doggy style cuz it was his dead dogs birthday...i had to do it
yeah we were the ones eating jello shots out of the back of a jeep in the bar parking lot
She looked at my cock with a kind of resigned disappointment.
Do you think she will like "you don't have to swallow this time" gift certificates for Xmas?
I'm wearing red that night.
Noted, what shade?
Hey history final, how's it feel to be raped in the ass by my steel cock of ACADEMIC PERFECTION?
you are way too vulgar to be a girl
Trying to figure out which chair my head was under last night
Your place is a magnet for either righteous parties or crippling alcohol dependency. Lets find out which together
I'm eating a piece of cake like an apple. At least my thought process is healthy.
If you can get laid in a rudolph onesie you are doing something right my friend.
no, throwing your underwear at it is not the solution to everything
My name in their phones is "That Girl". If i can't get it to go away, I might as well live up to it.
im just laying here pukin in my mouth and swallowing it 'cause im WAY too lazy to actually get up and find a place to vomit. this is my life now.
The assistant vp has a bottle of wine on his desk & I have a feeling my boobs will be making an appearance today.
He told me the escort brought him pizza. Can something be sad and awesome at the same time ?
He blended the pizza with water and drank the whole thing. He is my hangover hero
Bombed my 8 a.m. exam and the liquor store doesn't open till noon. Drinking unfinished beers from last night till they open.
Are we still banned from the library?
I feel like my uterus is decaying in my body
Oh god, so much rum. I think I was in a shotgun wedding with a Bacardi promotion girl.
i tried to knight her with my dick. she said it was unromantic. what an ungrateful attitude for a knight.
I joked that if anyone could fuck a 35 year old woman while wearing head bands and arm sweat bands it's you and look what happens.
I haven't found him passed out in the living room covered in noodles for a while now so I guess he's getting better with the drinking.
I wasn't concerned until I realized he was using the vase my birthday flowers came in as a " big glass" for his 151 and coke.
Indeed. The kind of morning where puking in someone's shoes is not frowned upon
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