Sooo... I woke up in the shower this morning. It was on.
you went to subway and got pissed when they refused to deep fry your sub
Hold on. She's wrapped herself in toilet paper and is scaring the dog.
Too many margaritas?
I have beard burns on my inner thighs. I'd say last night went pretty well.
please hold off on going into labor, i might need you to take me to the free clinic
She trust falled out of a window. It was like that scene from A Little Princess but with a lot more blood.
I hope in my next life I'm a sterile trophy wife. With a husband who showers me in wealth and gifts but can't get a hard on. Do you think my karma is good enough for that?
He barely got in the door before she began to shriek like a banshee and punch him. His rainbow wig is still hanging from the front porch as a "warning to all other clowns".
almost got into it with the cashier. bitch dont look at me like that just cuz im only buying wine and icing. ill fight.
Drunk puking in my bathtub has plugged it up for the third time this year. I hate these calls to my landlord.
Maybe he'll be famous someday and I can forget that anything embarrassing may have happened and just say that I fucked that famous guy.
I was intimate with him for twenty minutes and will be intimate with shame for twenty years.
Just wanted to share my unfortunate vagina news in the hopes that it would make your vagina feel better about itself.
Dude, Kevin called the cops on the cops.
when the cops came she just started yelling at them "Fuck the police! freedom of speech bitches!"
Randomize
