Well I'm going to a gay club in my banana suit. You should come. My bro is going as a pirate. I don't know if there's a theme.
i just cleaned out my toilet because i knew that my head would be in it later
I'm going to show my kids 2 girls 1 cup just to scare them away from porn
maybe you should start leaving anonymous bottles of booze on his doorstep with love notes attatched. that always gets me.
Holy shit bill nye is being consulted as an expert on cnn and hes credited as the science guy. What the fuck is the world coming to?
tell that swedish kid i didnt take his shotgun. he GAVE it to me.
"lets watch the sunrise" turned into "lets have sex on the roof at six thirty in the morning"
Everything is fine now . The coast guard said we just can't take the inflatable trampling out past the break way anymore
there's a guy in the del taco parking lot doing pushups. let's be his friends
Do u have any idea how hard it is to masturbate in a CVS bathroom when your name is being called over the speakers to pick up a prescription for painkillers?
lol hangovers are for mortals.
summer in europe = liver of steel
I accept that challenge.
well, i found him passed out on a picnic table two miles away with a lit cig in his hand...he had a rough night
oh, he’s out of jail btw. as of about 6pm. one of his customers bonded him out apparently lol
Like he really got a coke fiend to bond him out?
she gave me a ride on the back of her motor scooter and i swooned so hard
omg it's like all of your grease 2 fantasies come true i'm so happy for you
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