fyi, if youre wondering if offering a female police officer sexual favors will get you out of a ticket, the answer is no.
you smelled like vodka, i think that's why my grandma liked you
You three are like the Bermuda Triangle for morals.
About six hours after the bottle of smirnoff, I was googling "losing your stomach lining" and calling my mom for help. She has experience.
Thanks for pulling me out of the bed by my feet atleast one of us was sober enough to know I had work at 5 am.
random memory from the wedding, the bartender show us how to open the windows of the hotel and pee out of them
Waiting to interview and found a beer in my purse from last night
Update: I may or may not be in a cult
Update #2: I may or may not be the leader of said cult
Apparently, acid is a good substitute for cash if you don't have any! Who knew?
Pretty sure this ice cream truck is following me.
I don't know what's worse. The fact that my biological mother is an unwitting bigamist, or the fact that my half sister is trying to seduce my girlfriend.
We were 69ing, but at an angle so we could both still watch Wall-E
I can say with absolute certainty the only time we ever had a civil conversation was when we agreed we both liked pizza.
I think i got beer on your cat.
Planning a vacation around my dog. I have become one of those dog moms.
Randomize
