Dude, I totally just put a lit lighter to my hand for 10 seconds
How much beer did you get for it?
One ice cold coors, but those mountains lied
I told her at least we still had each other. That's when she started crying.
my mom just asked me, concerned, if I swallowed.
she said and I quote "NO SOUP FOR YOU!!!" and closed her legs.
We'll probably be arrested for having a cheetah in our apartment anyway, so I say go for it.
I can't think of anything besides pubic hair fallout. Ugh.
Our halfway to Halloween party needs to never happen again. There were waaayy too many wasted cartoon characters passed out in my living room this morning...
He wrote on the paper that he wanted a "Ptitty burreto" from taco bell...when we ordered it the girl paused and entered "Potatoe burrieto"....we laughed
It was kinda hard to explain to his wife why there was chocolate syrup on the ceiling.
Any idea why the fuck i would replace all the music on my ipod with the fucking Goosebumps theme song?!?
Apparently drunk you is really nostalgic?
i don't know if this is a cannibal joke or a sexual innuendo, and i think that's a beautiful description of our relationship.
It all started with sending him a text about Spongebob. It escalated from there.
I FUCKED THE WRONG FRIEND HELP ME
I'm not drunk or hungover and I don't have to work. My body is sooo confused!
She called a 10 year old handsome and we gave her a look that was equal parts confused and “what the hell is wrong with you”
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