I tried to give up sex for lent. It feels weird that on easter I'm this excited to be a whore again
the new term for farting is butt boxing.
have you ever noticed that homeless people never have acne. suck it proactive
Me and a lesbian played "may the best man win" over a bi chick tonight... I lost, still fun though
Don't worry we found her. Somehow she ended up on my roof with 2 bar stools
There was blood everywhere. She was pretty good looking person though.
Gave the kid in the wheelchair at the bus stop a beer and proceede to lift him on the bus. porch drinking brings out the best in everyone
Some guy just bought a handle of cuervo, a curling iron, and a power drill. Paid with a jar of change. I'm torn between avoiding him and befriending him..
it would be cheaper just to buy a dildo to intimidate people with.
In case you wake up wondering why your eyes hurt... You were claiming to be Zeus and that mortal weapons couldn't harm you. Some chick took it as a challenge and pepper sprayed you. Sorry dude.
Scary truckers and hobos. These are the men I attract
Just want to let you know thanks for setting the bar pretty low when it comes to girls.
Is "You've never made me cum." an acceptable breakup line?
I did what i always do when i miss him; masturbate and watch Bridges of Madison County.
"keg stand!" on a roof abruptly turned into "call the medics"
Randomize