Going to a jewelry store high is not a good idea. I look like mr.t's wife.
you threw up out the window, wiped your face with a twenty dollar bill, and threw that out the window too.
did we at least go back and get it?
how else do you think we got jack in the box...?
I keep finding coffee grounds in my vagina
I feel eeeverything like there's a rhythm and everything can be felt w/o ever touching it. And it's beautiful. Sunshine or raindrops it's like orgasming. Everything has a taste.
How did you make it to work sans hangover?
4 words: Clif Bar soaked in tequila. Just like albert pujols
It's that "make a Pringle and Twinkie sandwich" kind of depression.
I apparently started to text you last night. All it said was 'the whole clam'. I hope that means something to you.
I'm kinda surprised he wouldn't be honored to take me back as a fuck buddy.
I'm spending my Sunday wishing the entire Patriots offense would let me touch their manhood
I just wrote my resume on the same park bench I got felt up at in freshman year of highschool... I've truly come full circle
WHY DID YOU DRUNK DIAL MY MOM?!
Because mine was sitting on the bar stool next to me...
Can I just go to one establishment in which I haven't banged anyone ?
She's seen your dick through your pants. You don't need to ask
He found out about your side hoe and still helped you try to find a lizard that got in the house
I've seriously never been more thankful for marijuana and my resting bitchface.
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