he ate out my asshole, i really don't think he gets embarrassed easily.
If I banged a coworker last night but didn't enjoy it can I put it down on my timesheet?
We literally played a game called pass the child which consisted of us shitfaced tossing the 5 year old birthday boy at each other
She took a crow from her moms Halloween decorations, taped it to her shoulder, went to the bar and made the guys buy a drinks for both her and the crow.
One thing noone tells you about getting put in the drunk tank is do it barefoot. You get free flipflops.
One of my friends took me out last night for a bday celebration and I just now remembered that a man blew fire balls across the bar in honor of my birthday... How drunk do you have to be to forget that?
You. Dating a sex offender cop. Life writes itself sometimes.
I was convinced to buy a man thong.
But it's Armani so it's okay.
God I just out gayed myself.
I declared today 'Have a Bloody Mary Naked Day'. Why? Because I'm hungover, thirsty & don't want to bother putting on clothes.
Don't drink and shop. I went for happy hour and came home with a fog machine. I now have no other choice but to scare the shit out of my neighbors with it.
My guy issues hinge on tonight's game. Caps win, it's Dustin. Rangers win, Josh. I even flipped a coin to see who got what team
Just went to court for a citation. Guess who my DA was? That girl I ATM'd last weekend. No ticket for me!
I apparently tried to wax off my nipples.This explains the pain
I think it may be easier if I stay drunk/high til the wedding. You game?
I miss painting strippers for Christmas. Holidays not the same without glitter and body paint
I'll be your substitute stripper tonight.
Randomize
