just tell him i said nine months
i wouldn't be half as slutty if there were better things to do.
I will one day have loud vengeance sex as my revenge against you. Until then I'm just going to sit in the living room playing John Mayer while you're trying to do it.
she had no gag reflex. and is an abercrombie model. i love college.
remember last year when i left for the bar in flip flops and came back in heels?
it happened again.
You just kept taking about baking cornbread and doing your physics. Even drunk assed random you is a better student than me.
Please tell me you're throwing the cats into this foot of snow.
My building was evacuated who wants to quake and bake
Wow. This hand sanitizer smells awesome. It's like I just gave a handjob to a fruit basket.
Next time you think about divorce, consider this: a hot guy just walked in and I tried to suck in my back fat.
Everyone thinks I'm sleeping but I'm actually just melting.
He shampooed and conditioned his pubes but can't manscape for shit.
Why are your pants in the freezer?
Look, his dick is so good at being a dick that it makes me see God. And I don't even believe in God.
After returning from the hospital with lock-jaw from getting tackle at the game. Some naked chick busted out of his room and hit him with a devastating haymaker to the jaw because he wouldn't have sex
Randomize
