and then I told her I was too drunk. She started to cry, and told me this always happens to her and that she thinks shes ugly. I pretended I was asleep and then she farted.
i'm so high i feel like the people i'm chatting with online can some how see that i'm naked.
FB needs to have a relationship status called...screwing my roommates bf..linking their names would be an easier to tell her!
Just learned the hard way that dicks can bruise the back of your throat to the extent that you cant eat. You're dead to me.
I hate when people see you passed out in your front yard and call 911. Like what, you can't take a nap face down on your steps at 4pm?
there COULD be a gas leak in our house... proceeding to smoke with extreme caution...
15 year-old stoners have those problems. we're college students dude. dont be like that...
hot boxing the bathroom at chili's. where the fuck are you, it's too big of a box for just one person.
Pretending to be completely fried so the odd girl next to me doesnt suspect im simply staring at her.
I told the DJ last night to play Third Eye Blind before 1:45 and just pointed at him as I walked away. He didn't do it and at 1:45 I just walked out pointing at him, without my friends
How was the picnic?
We played softball, except our team sucked. In one hand was a mitt, the other a beer.
Why didn't you put them down?
No beer left behind.
I don't remember coming in last night, but apparently I ate a piece of pizza because when I woke up I had pizza crust stuck to the back of my thighs.
Went home w the NY Islander in a NY Rangers jersey, needless to say he was pissed
I apparently ooze single. The second I left his house after break up sex five of my old booty calls text me
I'd send you a picture as proof but I want to marry him some day and that would be a deal breaker.
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