Awkward is getting caught beating off in the company bathroom...
I woke up this morning wearing my tux shirt and jacket, but no pants.
______ was pissed. My breath tastes like tequila and doritos, and I couldn't get it up.
I'm going to use my one free fuck up card tonight.
What'd you do?
Its more like what im about to do.
my new favorite insult= "thundercunt"
and ill be dreaming of you. not in a creepy way, but in an inappropriate way
when a girl feels in her heart, the way she feels in her vagina, anything is possible.
both the worst and best vomit ever... it was extra chunky and thick cause of the sausage... but it also tasted like delicious sausage... also cause of the sausage
you were sitting on the floor eating oats. how should i react?
making an indian outfit so we can be pochohantas and john smith and fuck in the canoe on the night float
Her fortune said that she will soon be free. She's taking her bra off at the table.
Word of advice, don't put your jar if peanut butter in the microwave, blue fire comes out
we're the same shoe size and he owns more pairs of heels than i do. this could be the beginning of a beautiful friendship
This guy has a theme song for the joints he rolls
I feel like I had a successful night. I flashed the guy at the liquor store last night for 2 free tshirts and a giant redbull.
I just spent 45 minutes and a really well-put together Power Point trying to convince her to use my dog as baby Jesus in her church's play.
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