I just saw a woman parallel park a horse. Awesome. Only in New York..
barbara walters just said penis...
What happened at the top of the stairs is never to be spoken of again.
I knew his night was already over when he started marking lines on the bottle and setting goals
just cockblocked my boss's 17 year old son at the Christmas party
Had to go to the urgent for a physical and I gave them my fake. Nurse was a sport though
I have a test in the morning in sign language about signs for drugs and alcohol use. Im drunk and rolling a blunt. I've never felt so confident about a grade in my life.
I just went into a strangers house to have a spoonful of sugar to cure my hiccups, wtf is wrong with me
It's meant to be, Cynthia. You, him, and your developed breasts are meant for each other.
I think once you know a guy's chest measurements the stalking has gone too far..
I was doing karaoke to "baby got back" and apologizing for being white at the same time.
Like will they card me for my own whiskey in shampoo bottles?
who knew tequila and Christmas cookies would go so well together
Was just told that I slept on the counter using a loaf of bread as a pillow. Clearly my life is going well.
I'm no doctor but I don't think balls are supposed to look like that.
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