three words: i give head
three words: not that well
Is there a nice way of saying 'touch my penis or i dont really wanna hangout"?
He violated my cat. I was not impressed.
i should not be allowed to orgasm that much in one day.
I can't be held responsible for my own vagina. Let's just be honest here.
i gave him a hand job with one hand and held the 40 with the other. this is like freshman year all over again.
I've only been home four days and my parents' cleaning lady already wrote down the number to AA and told me she's praying for me.
I had phone sex with a retiree last night. This is not how I envisioned my 20s going...
Oh and I'm kind of in the library.
Waiting for the foreign guy who keeps staring to make his creepy move.
The bend and snap? 98% success rate of getting attention. When used appropriately, it has an 83% rate of return on a dinner invitation.
I woke up with my wool blanket soaking wet on the dorm room floor, and my sweatshirt hanging on the shower door down the hall. So basically my camp-out-in-the-bathroom idea didn't turn out as planned
It's 3 am and I'm buying cat food and batteries for my vibrator. Good thing I shaved my legs for this.
Okay who let me pass out in a recliner cuddling a pitbull and a cardboard cutout of Orlando Bloom
Wound up hungover. Visiting 4 y/o nephew suggested cookies and milk and playing Kirby with him with the sound down. This kid is going places.
There should be a Doritos delivery van or something.
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