We succumbed to passion, and then he had to go meet his girlfriend. End of story.
shotgunning a bud heavy is like shotgunning a turkey sandwich
Then my mouth guard fell out of the hole, so that's how the dog poop got in my mouth.
I've never watched DWTS before, but this show's got Pamela Anderson, Erin Andrews and Brooke Burke: 3 of my top 10 all time most masturbated to women.
Either allow it in a formal toast or i will drunkenly tell your in-laws while i'm dancing on their table. either way, the truth is coming out
I'm blazed about to take my 8am final. Another girl is too. We just looked each other in the eyes. She's my soul sister.
In other news, shitting yourself is not an acceptable way to start a Thursday.
You insisted we help some homeless guy put up posters for his missing pet alligator so we left you there because they were really just Chinese takeout menus.
By the way if you come home and I'm not wearing pants, just go with it. I didn't have the energy to go searching for some.
Since I fall down so much at parties I've started doing this new thing where when I fall I just yell FLOOR PARTY and make people bring the party to me
Totally clawed myself in the face during sex. I can die happy?
I had to dig my own trench to puke in at the resort. That much fun.
It's 3 am and I'm buying cat food and batteries for my vibrator. Good thing I shaved my legs for this.
I'm all set for mothers day, I let her beat me in beer pong.
I was grinding with girl while I was eating french fries, and she turned around to hook up with me. She ate my fries.
Randomize
