you want me
i'd rather choke on a dick.
goodnight i made you a song goodbye
I think she kind of thinks she's better than us now ... please. I go to Michigan.
He is drunk texting me begging me not to tell my mom. Pretty sure he is about to offer me sexual favors for keeping my mouth shut. I love being the boss's daughter.
Are you dead or are you taking another 13 hour nap? you need to let me know these things ahead of time so i dont worry.
if that blanket by the dog bowl was your dog's "bed" then i apologize to bailey for having sex on it
Considering showing up at your house with coronas. I'll be wearing a sombrero and that's it.
Party city is having a sale on maracas
there are casual beer cans in all of the public trashes, i belong here
Phone sex soon? I mean date. Sex date. Date phone.
all 3? possibly?
I think I'm up to the challenge.
The low-flow toilet at my office cannot handle the intensity of this hangover.
I left for five minutes and Chris wound up half in women's clothes, half naked. And the naked half was covered in shamrock stickers.
All I want to do on Facebook today is comment on people I knew in high schools profile pictures and tell them how much uglier they are now.
Facebook: “Hey you fucked on a diving board, you should probably should wish him a happy birthday”
Haha just talked to the dude you bit on Thursday. He has been growing a beard to hide the bruising....
its 8 and I'm HUNGOVER!! how is that possible??
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