I'm going to jail i love you
may or may not have recieved head in the car before we came in.
First straight guy ever blown in a Prius. Congrats.
I just told my sister I love her. I'm in no condition to drive.
They set the pop up pool in the basement-running filter and all. Drunk swimming. Come now.
He ate me out. IN THE MORNING. I love less attractive men.
Oh, and i love you too. Im just a selfish dick who had to talk about myself first
His penis is small and he doesnt like Harry Potter. HE HAS NO REDEEMING QUALITIES WHAT AM I EVEN DOING HERE
Just had a threesome with a hot Turkish guy and an even hotter French lawyer. This what happens when I travel alone. You have only yourself to blame for this.
Teaching my class, used paper clips to fix my hair. Too hungover to be a kindergarten teacher.
Shhhh less advice, more soothing words and dirty phrases
As much as I want you to bang someone other than me, he is an asshole.
1) break up with him. 2) feel bad. 3) fuck some other guy. 4) feel better. Boom! Life plan. You're welcome.
Just packed vodka and spare underwear into my purse- totally set for watching the hockey with him tonight
You should not be involved with someone who smells like that. Because that smell seriously does not go away. Even if you can't actually smell it at any given point, it will still haunt you
I was trying to be good but he showed up with dinner and wine and I exploded. Like a bomb. A dirty, sexy bomb
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