Glitter + Penis = Best. Idea. Ever.
Care to explain to me why theres a baby food jar filled with semen in my fridge? or why its labeled as unicorn sweat?
They have edible shot glasses at target.
There really is a God.
What am I legally allowed to do to a girl that is the equivalent of me punching her in the face?
I've officially decided that whoever created hate sex should be on my christmas card list.
chlamydia ends and my period begins. this isnt real life
Just doin' what I do best: sitting in a stall in the class building's bathroom, pondering life and exploring deep, dark corners of the internet before class.
I suppose I should wish you a happy one year of bumping uglies
she just called me the flavor packet to her ramen noodles. get me the fuck out of here.
It's not an office Christmas party until your boss confesses his undying love for your boyfriend...
How many trips to the liquor store in a week constitutes alcoholism?
it's always good to have a friend that's a hairdresser, a massage therapist, maybe throw in a lawyer just in case, and always have a friend on food stamps
Since Josh is going to be Carl Sagan for Halloween, he bought a turtleneck and sportsman jacket. It's all my nerd fantasies come true.
I mean my dick does have feeling again, which is a step in the right direction
Also, apparently I'm only coherent when I'm drunk sexting. And then I'm grammatically perfect and impressively eloquent.
Randomize