ok i said sorry. what else do you want?
100 blowjobs
I just bought Christian paraphenilia at Borders for my dad's bday. I had the urge to tell them it wasn't mine, like I was buying laxatives or a dildo
Hahahaha. You probably would have been more comfortable buying either of those than what you just bought
I told him I would sleep with him if he could name all the colors of the wind.
got hammered last night, woke up this morning to 38 texts that varied from "you fucking asshole" to "i can be there in 10 minutes"
Throwing up in the car while my mom drives, sister holds the bag & my dad holds my hair. This is how my family bonds.
It's not my fault you have a job and can't get drunk on Tuesday's. Don't take your frustrations out on me!
YOU TOLD ME THAT YOU CAUGHT A TAXI HOME. SARAH SAID THE POLICE DROPPED YOU OFF.
Is everyone touching their nose at me a sign that I should stop snorting vicodin off my phone in the bathroom at school?
Although now I have "number of cheese slices" as a unit of boob measurement in my head.
Happy Halloween!! Last Halloween we spent together you got brought home in a shopping cart
Only you would consider your best friend fucking your boyfriend to be a sign of everlasting friendship
Is it rude to say "I hate you because you live inside Hillary Clinton's asshole"?
I love how when he said ecstasy pills both of our heads whipped around like a couple of horned owls.
Why is my belly button ring in my ear
She shouldn’t care what consenting adults do behind closed doors
You do realize it was her husband you were hooking up with behind that door, right?
Randomize
