note to self..putting cheap vodka in a bottle of grey goose does not make it taste better
She's helping me study for the final by writing the vocab words all over her body.
she broke up with me using backstreet boy lyrics
you deserved it if you knew it was backstreet boys.
We ran out of toilet paper the last week, so we just took showers to pee
No, I'm not keeping her! I can't become an adulterer and a dog stealer in the same 24 hours...
making my second box of kraft dinner for the day. thinking about telling him how much you cheat on him so that you end up having to spend valentines day with me. i'm sorry its every man for himself.
I can't talk to her. I know entirely too much about her genitals to hold a conversation without mentioning them.
perfect. if all else fails remind him how anxious he is. talk real fast and induce a panic attack that only I can remedy with xanax.
I can't turn my head to the left, I'm pissing out of my ass, and my finger went through the toilet paper today... I need you.
I tried eating pop-rocks while giving him a bj, I honestly think I was more disappointed with the results than he was.
The only good thing about the sex was that he finally cracked the spot on my back that's been hurting.
i woke up on someones kitchen floor, and i used the gps in my phone to find my way home. im really glad you forgot about me.
I left you a really long drunk voicemail and I remember something about a bat
Look, I know why you're asking me, but just because I'm gay does not make me a wiki on butt sex. Ask a doctor or you know, the internet like everyone else.
He’s got a big dick and a big ego. This could be fun
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