So he says "lean over this" which is a chain across the doorway, held into the wall with bolts. I do. Then he puts his weight on top of me to try and get it in.
It breaks. We fall.
I now have a broken nose, a concussion, and an infected, split lip. Why do I have the worst luck in guys?
I'm pretty sure "Like A Prayer" will forever remind me of drunk nights & pants down around the ankles
So I thought I was doing pretty good and then I sneezed and prematurely ejaculated...
just found my calculator watch from 6th grade. the hipster transformation is complete
I thought we agreed I wasn't a screamer?
I performed "get broken glass out of my shoulder" surgery last night... Drunk, with a what-a-burger straw.
I had to explain to the waiter that I'm not the DD because I can't drive, but as the Designated 'Make Sure No One Gets Roofied Or Hit By A Car On The Walk Home'-er, I should still get the free drinks.
I'm sooo hungover. I fell asleep on top of a car in a parking lot last night. New one to add to the list.
It's like you're the one guy who got the "girls have clits" memo.
And after we debated politics. My dream come true: naked, just got done having great sex with a hot mixed guy, talking about why social welfare programs are a bad idea
Fucking shoot me with this y'all shit. You were in Texas for 2months you do not have an accent Madonna
Meet at Walmart straight from work to buy items for hurricane fun. Then blast some wine, make some sex, blast a bowl and cuddle each other till the sun comes up?
That's the most romantic New Orleans hurrication I've ever heard of. Can I have your babies?
How do you get kicked out of 3 different Subways in one night..
Not very gracefully, that's how.
so i realized that he's only my physical relationship and beer is my emotional relationship...
Why is the floor coated in a 2 inch blanket of popcorn??
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