Do you not remember dry humping your dog for 20 minutes at oxfest dude?
would you ever date a girl who drove an 89 Chrysler LeBaron? - for the record it's a convertable
You know that bakery that Sandra Bullock's sister owns?
The one in Montpelier?
yeah, well it doesn't exist anymore. VT's one fucking claim to fame closed.
...she just doesn't genetically have the things I want my kids to have.
we were frolicking through a fountain of pizza rolls. it was like the best dream i ever had
I will cut you
Oddly enough thats the second time today someones said that to me
Put that in perspective
That was obviously his first time talking dirty. He called my vagina "pretty"
Is it bad to have a craving for speed? I feel like my nose is thirsty.
...there was a woman in the stall next to me in the Walmart bathroom having a massive bowl movement and whispering "I'm sorry" over and over
I think if I send him enough nudes, he will buy my plane ticket.
Actually just remembered that solo cup full of scotch that random guy gave me for not farting on him. That's probably why
He deserves someone who will touch his penis at 3 a.m.
too bad burritos don't cuddle back
Not gonna lie I just got drunk and started doing applications because I know I'm going into work tomorrow still drunk
I do have a moral compass! I can’t help it if it only points at penises
Randomize
