So I'm going back to my apartment just to get my vibrator.
I thought you were moving in with your boyfriend for the summer?
Well....one will keep me from having to pay rent and the other satisfies. I'll let you figure it out.
Her vagina was like a man-sized safe.
Double fisting Gray Goose bottles. We've officially ruined her.
They thought I was the paid stripper pretty much, and a lady tried to set me up with her nephew and then wanted to get my number for lesbian daughter... A typical night for me
You tried to get me to kick my booty call out at 3am by tempting me with a trip to ihop
That's the last time you call me to prove to some girl at a bar that you're English. It's bad enough that you actually get to fuck them because of it without having to wake me up to seal the deal.
He's hungover and at the neighbour's garage sale negotiating a price for a tuba.
You crossed every boundary on the boundary spectrum last night. You're like the illegal immigrant of drunk actions. No more holiday drinking for you.
And I'd make him talk dirty to me. In Forrest Gump's voice.
Last time he went to Europe, every time he started drinking he would wake up in a different country with no memory. There is no way he can be tour leader.
I made him an O's fan. One pic of my tits coming out of a Baltimore shirt and it was done.
Thank you for the legal advice. I hope I can pay you in blow jobs.
If you don't believe in my fighting skills, I don't know if we can be together
Doing a walk of shame at Wal-Mart at 3:30am because when I left at 11pm I was getting milk
She was drunk at Red Robin. She asked for more fries and then shoved them in her purse while saying "Come on bitches, you're coming with me" to them.
Randomize
