You were hopping up and down because you wanted only his strongest sperms to make it to the egg.
Darwin at his finest.
no, didnt close...
What?! she made the first move and invited you back to her place. thats like striking out in t-ball pathetic...
he was wearing a tuxedo, i was naked...it's a long story.
Sleeping with two different guys who share a driveway is getting increasingly challenging to keep secret
Oh my god. I just RAN OVER a child. Oh my god this isnt my day. That kid was cool as fuck though
She cracked her neck before the blowjob and I knew shit just got real.
I think you should just bang him and get it out of your system.
That's what you say about everyone.
GOT MY PERIOD AND AN INTERNSHIP OFFER THIS IS A WONDERFUL DAY
Giiiirl. Just had a BM that almost killed me.
Yay! Also. When you're coming down eat waffles and touch yourself. You won't regret it.
Dinner at 5, shrooms at 10.
Why do all my exes just become Tom Hanks in Castaway?
That's a fantastic question. And an odd set of criteria to meet if wanting to date you.
I remember you banged her while I was dying on your couch, so good call
HER BOYFRIEND CAME HOME WHILE WE WERE GETTING IT ON IN THE SHOWER
At least you smelled nice while he kicked your ass.
I should have known it wouldn’t work. Someone saved in her phone as “Subway Sex” called the week before the wedding
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