My mind says no, but my body says yes.
What does your body say about chlamydia?
If he eats mayonnaise, he's not getting laid. End of story.
she told me her fantasy was her as a 55 year old cook at a truck stop who smokes a pack a day, and I was the 21 year old illegal immigarnt prep cook.
How the hell can the Olympic committee frown so much on weed and yet put on a show you would have to be high to actually enjoy?
Just coat-checked 2 backpacks full of 40's...it was the bouncer's idea.
Update: I only have one shoe. The other one now belongs to the gods of jello-wrestling. May it rest in peace.
he told her he was actually impressed that she had fucked more people in this house than the four dudes living in it.
Im pretty sure at one point a very high you yelled, with actual tears in your eyes, "im not wrestling with you anymore, you dont respect my safe word!!"
dude when I get home wanna help me fulfill my dream of smoking a bowl out of my saxophone?
Some guy offered you 100 bucks last night to suck your toes. I had to drag you away while you were yelling at me, "Stop money cock blocking me!"
That's just where I'm at in my life.
FOUND: my underwear in the cabinet above the toilet. What the actual fuck.
I was just trying to flirt with James Franco but she kept telling me to take shots out of Ron Burgundy's mouth
And that kids is the last time I ever try to outdrink Germans
Crying on the toilet and taking a shit. This is what being an adult is about
Oh god establish a safe word
I'm going to! Pineapple.
Randomize
