I just woke up in bed next to my teacher. Does that mean I'm passing now?
I want to walk on stilts...naked
the entire lecture hall sighed when the prof announced that there will be an exam on 4/20
I was so high that i was talking shit about a girl I was with via text, and I handed the phone to her so she could type the shit I was trying to say.
We're bowling witha frozen turkey in the hallway...ur missing out
We had a deepthroating contest with breadsticks at Olive Garden
....I feel like you are deciding whether or not I'm good enough for you based on what I ordered from Chipotle.
Apparently my Ambien addled brain last night actually did decide to go ahead and photoshop you into various animal and human molesting scenarios. That's a hell of a thing to wake up to.
That was the night, like, my hair caught on fire...
I just bought a bong from a hot dog stand.
Would it be weird if I congratulated the guy who almost broke up my marriage for working on the marriage equality bill? You know, thanks for fighting for the sanctity of marriage. Weird, right?
I'm telling you, I 'm beginning to think that my vagina is magical.
I just saw a chick driving drinking a juice box smoking all while on the phone that is talent
Ben Franklin would totally be a furry.
You're smoking weed and checking Tumblr I take it?
just threw up in a gas staton parking lot in front of a father and son. stared them in the eyes and finished like a boss
Randomize
