Banned from zoo.
Again?
She said she couldnt do it today but shed make it up to me next week
stick it in her butt and if she asks, say that thats what you thought she meant
i bet even starving children in Africa take the crust off their poptarts
imagine a blue Jetta with an ILLINOIS license plate that read JISLORD..... upon pondering it for 10minutes I came to the conclusion that J stood for JESUS and IF the license plate had enough room it would read "Jesus Is Lord"
I farted on Jack's balls last night. He got pissed and walked away cause he knew it was on purpose. I couldn't hold it in anymore.
today i learned why jack sparrow loved rum so fucking much
No, no, no. Fuck you. I took a glass blowing class solely to learn how to make that bong. You shattered it and my dreams in a matter of five seconds.
He picked up a chick with a line about the price of used cars in Sri Lanka and developing economies. Step it up.
You were asking her how her mother would feel if y'all dated, etc. And I was yelling at you your girlfriends name over and over again in between gags and sobs.
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
I stopped him mid keg stand to show him how cute my bra was...
The minute he showed me his Mumford and sons tattoo is the minute i could literally feel my pussy dry up
I'm not saying I love you. I never said I love you. I said that if earth blew up like Krypton you'd be the only person I would like to have inside me when our bodies burn up in a fiery inferno
MY MOM WALKED IN WHILE I WAS EATING THEM OUT AND STARTED ASKING US ABOUT THE PROJECT RUNWAY EPISODE WE WERE WATCHING EARLIER
Hurry I'm alone dressed like a prostitute eating French fries.
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