I saw her while sober, and she is definately cut off from the penis ride
Ya know, years from now when that kid is old enough, I'll get to regale him with the story of how I was his father's AND uncle's first gay experience.
he swears he got herpes from a bowl of soup
He thought the strainer was a giant bowl to puke in.
Well no need to be a stranger, even if you aren't interested in joining my bisexual polygamist marriage. New city, new friends.
There is a mirror in the headboard of the bed that I'm sleeping in so I can immediately question life choices when I wake up.
She just kept saying "bless your heart" to him while he cried because he came so fast. I think a Texas woman was just what he needed
Apparently we were just playing "bang a bridesmaid". I'm not sure if I won or lost...
My costume for the end of the world party was a success. Everyone in the ER thought I was there because I got hit by a car when it was actually from alcohol poisoning.
One eye has cum in it and the other has sunscreen
summertime
After we hooked up he started to cry and called his mom and told her he wanted to marry me
I didn't want dick. I wanted spaghetti.
I just saw your brother in some random persons yard climbing a tree. Just saying.
Probably on drugs.
DO NOT PREHEAT THE OVEN THIS MORNING! WE STARTED USING IT AS A WINE STASH AROUND MIDNIGHT.
Whatever you wanna call it i just wanna get railed tonight
Randomize
