Then he told me I had the most beautiful looking vulva
you were the first one he came out to and you announced it as the finale while singing karaoke at the bar
If I die and they 'assume' it's natural causes, just go with it.
He saw my tits then looked up and yelled thank you jesus as loud as he could
As we walked into his room, he said welcome to the hurt locker. I should have left, but I love that movie.
I mean its not the first time I passed out drunk at barnes and noble.
I feel like a monkey keeps fucking me in the ear with a trombone as a dick.
He's living a porn movie. He's slept with a waitress at her work for lunch, a bar tender at the bar that night, and the cleaning lady the next morning.
It's sitting in bleach right now. You will be the creepiest coolest dude in my book if you made a bracelet from my tooth.
I was thinking more like a "sorry you can hear us, but I'm having the best sex of my life" cake
Did you know that if you chase vodka with cheap red wine it tastes exactly like college alcoholism?
3 2 1 whiskey
I'm covered in glow paint and I can't find my shirt. So, successful night
I ended up snorting coke while wearing a Bavarian dress and I feel like I need to reevaluate my life
I talked to his mom for a good 10 minutes with coke all over my nose. Not the best first impression
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