I just googled the nutrition facts for a mcgriddle and yet I still want to go to mcdonalds
I dont know why the TSA people are looking at me wierd. I mean there is no way i am the only hungover college girl here with nine tally marks on her hand and last nights glitter on her face
He asked me if I could call his penis destroyer... Uhh SOS.
It's official drugs can't kill me
no, throwing your underwear at it is not the solution to everything
Better than road-head. Just got model-home-head. Also got a disapproving scowl of judgment from the realtor on the way out.
just had sex on top of a camper looking at the stars, BEAT THAT.
She was purple for Halloween. She literally spray-painted herself purple and called it a costume. It won't come off.
The beer shits the day after completing the World Beer Tour at Epcot are just as epic as the tour itself.
Doesn't matter how many times we tell him the kid's a freshman, he keeps repeating "cupcake boy shall be mine" and honestly you need to intervene
I'm honored that you could tear yourself away from your girlfriend's vagina long enough to text me.
I can't believe he's mad at you for not remembering your fake anniversary.
And then you poured the rest of the vodka into salsa and added the alcohol soaked pineapples and grapes and said "don't touch my salsa breakfast".
I'm really sorry I bit your mom last night, it was completely uncalled for.
ARE YOU DEAD? TEXT Y FOR YES OR N FOR NO.
Randomize
