Did Neil Armstrong say the moon was too far away! NO! He built himself a fucking rocketship is what he did!
I was eating out this girl yesterday and when I finished, she asked me if I wanted to take any home with me. She was serious, dude!
What does that even mean?
If he comes back to you and I'm left alone in lonelytown I'm totally going to poo on your car.
Dude my date hates me, Im on a rooftop full of Turkish people, and Ricky Martin is blasting on the radio. I was wrong earlier when I said I have my shit together
OMG! Someone dumped chocolate soft-serve in the bathroom! Dibs!
he said i was chugging vodka in the parking lot, gave my # to a married man, started a food fight, and passed out at the bar. how could he NOT consider that a good first date???
Waaait I'm alsleep in myt car somewhere
I am standing at the lion i publicly humped last night. i am mortified.
so it turns out, not only do the doormen judge the girls I bring home, but they rate them.
good, we got high then went swimming. shelly forgot to keep swimming so we tied her to the ladder in the shallow part with her bikini top.
Dude, you need to understand there is a fine line between "guilty pleasure" and in the closet gay
...And then you kept screaming "cock mouth" in her face every time she tried to talk.
But seriously he was like a god with his hands. My vagina feels annointed.
He was the one that got away. From my vagina.
Skipping class. Wanna Drink now?
yea. just give me 15 min to write a paper.
Randomize
