I think I speak chipmunk. Odd.
Are you high?
No. That's why it's odd
please say your awake. the girl i brought home last night...any idea on a name? she isnt up yet...
i hate that site..its like every vagina you dont wanna see
I just lost $50 at the races, got drunk, and woke up to my ex-gf. Apparently the good decisions kept on rolling...
She volunteers at a homeless shelter. You volunteered to drink 7 day expired milk for $3. No chance. Give up.
Playing a game in life called "how far can I make a man travel for a booty call"
I just saw a wasted dude crawl out of the road at 2 in the afternoon. Big question- still drunk from the weekend or hitting the soju already?
My cab driver just suggested I brush my teeth because he can smell "the party" on me.
I really thought I'd be the only alcoholic drinking alone in my car at noon in the Lowe's parking lot. Passed out dude in the car next to me begs to differ.
When he couldn't get it up, he handed me a beer, put his clothes back on, and said "try again tomorrow."
you told me your favorite colors were "pink" "no pants" and "Mexican food"
They think its so cute and admirable that I learned French. BITCH HAVE YOU NEVER HEARD OF GOOGLE TRANSLATE? sexting foreign bitches, there's an app for that
Smoking a bowl in nothing but a flamingo thong.
Do you know how difficult it is to snap a good dick pic while driving?
Just letting you know that I just spent 11 dollars on a car wash... Because you had sex in my car.
Randomize
