I bet Jafar would keep his hat on during
you kept yelling something about watching the muppets chirstmas carol and trying to turn the t.v. on with your car keys
Everyone is in jail. I'll see what i can do though
no sex. but he left me weed, so almost as good.
You basically told your boyfriend at the time you were going to shit in his hands.
And I meant every ounce of it.
he screamed PILLOW FIGHT and hit branden in the head with a pillow that had a fifth of vodka in it. then he asked why he wasnt laughing
Well I could just do a roadtrip and hit them all. Slut tour 2012.
Good afternoon everyone! Just texting to inform you that Andrew, your emotionally detached man-whore, will be back starting this weekend. Please RSVP.
I don't get hangovers. Except once. And there is a massively epic story behind that, involving so much alcohol I should have died, and 13 raw hotdogs.
MY FUCKING CAT JUST GAVE BIRTH AND IM FUCKING STONED AND I FUCKING DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO!!!
Sending dick pics while driving a car going 80 in the rain at night to a married woman? Why hello 2014
I do feel like I owe you an apology for trying to fuck your dad last night but in my defense everyone knows I shouldn't drink tequila.
Yo. What's your name again? You put "don't tell your landlord" as your name lol
I actually haven't slept with anyone in a while. I think my whore phase is just seasonal.
Like, when both of your dads are drag queens you're bound to have some amazing Halloween makeup
Randomize
