like if someone fucked a dictionary but instead of having a penis, it was just one of those leap frog educational toys
I hope to god you are high
Fuck that. Livers are so overdramatic and attention hungry.
Knee deep in strippers, everything is comped. will try hard to be there at 8. i promise.
She calls her new ritual "bed, bath, and beyond crunk". Hence why I found her passed out in my bath tub this morning.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just saw a kid drop his lollipop on the floor of best buy, kick it because he was pissed off and then pick it up and eat it. I think I have a long lost son.
He literally didn't stop until I lost count of how many times he made me orgasm. It took three hours.
i just figured out how to balance my wine bottle on my boobs so that i don't have to tip it with my hands...breathing has new meaning
The pregnant Hooters waitress told me to "make good choices".
no i brought the cat to the bar. I got a weird look when I walked in but now everyone loves her.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Most awkward car ride ever. Kid in the front seat was bawling, 2 in the backseat were ready to fight, and I was giving the last kid a handie. This needs to stop happening to us.
He tried to give me a shoulder massage while i peed in the neighbors bushes to "make it more relaxing."... I let him... That drunk
I'm in the power napping at parties stage of my life
Apparently I still called the officer "sir" despite the fact I was at a .21 BAC. Southern girls are raised right
I sat on my couch last night watching What Women Want, eating ice cream, and sobbing "why doesn't she like me?" Why was I born a man?
That sad moment when the drawer I used to keep condoms in now has poptarts in it..
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