You want to go to a white party at LAX
Clubs are lame especially themed ones. Im not in a fucking episode of laguna beach
summer is not the time to consider going full bush.
Just watched my manager erase "we've been 2 days wo an accident" and change it to "0" these ppl are too high.
I have absolutely nothing sober to say to you.
This guy at the party just introduced himself to me as "the guy who sat behind you on a plane last year"
ITS A JAGER BOTTLE. NOTHING CAN BE BAD IF ITS JAGER RELATED.
I mean it was like cry my eyes out or masturbate in my moms bathroom.
On the train at 650am after a night of clubbing and running away from a new zealander who was buying us beers but also licking windows
I'm crying and shaving my Bronco playoff beard
My mom just drunk texted me complaining about her genitals smelling like Taco Bell. I really am her son
a guy just skateboarded past my window in a bunny suit while chased by a dog walker
Broke my ankle and blacked out on my scooter last night. 'Twas grand.
I just said "you do you" to my penis.
i told them you weren't like that.. and they laughed at me?
I watched my wife kick balloons while wearing thigh highs. It's not a sentence you get to use too often
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