smoked weed with Joakim Noah last night....if he was half as fast to the basket as he is to grab a joint from me we'd have another championship on our hands
im using old socks as coasters. im going to make a great housewife.
The best part about the NBA starting up is I get to see Charles Barkley make a fool out of himself for 8 months
my Econ professor just passed around his phone for us to take a pic of ourselves so he could learn our names. I am currently looking him up on my sex offenders app.
then mid-sex he looked at me and said "i hope this is as good for you as it is for me" and kept going.
Be there soon... with munchies, blow jobs and shoulder rubs.
just got home to find my brothers naked on the floor covered in chocolate. i am now nervous about sleeping in the same room as them
He was asleep with his head on a windowsill and you were petting his head, then you almost left the kitchen and then went back to pet him some more.
I immediately woke up from my nap, made myself a screwdriver and got in the shower. I know it's spring break but I'm still questioning my life choices.
Actually, I may scrap this entire plan. I just realized that I had sex with a guy with his own whiskey commercial.
when in doubt, mount your coworker in the staff room.
There are peanut butter donuts now. We are playing with forces we can't possibly understand.
so... i have a picture of you and three other girls making kissy faces at this giant stuffed banana you're holding. however, you seem to be violently screaming at it.
Those bitches did NOT have my back.
I just wrote a self loathing message to self, wrapped my credit card in it, put it in an envelope, sealed it with another hate messame, and put it in my lock box. So. That's where I'm at.
I mean, if I asked you, would you cum on cotton candy for me?
Randomize
