Add "its too hot" to reasons why I don't get fucked anymore
I fuked that chick last night and she kept saying, "oh...oh....oh", like Bill Lumberg
so what did you do?
I did the mash I did the monster mash It was a graveyard smash!
we sat in the hammock and pretended we were skydiving for three hours. jack actually started crying when i convinced him his chute didnt open.
I acted like I was still sleeping as she gathered her stuff to leave.. that's when she let one rip
He keeps the condoms in his bible. I guess stairs or elevator, we're getting to hell one way or another.
I just found blacked-out interviews on my voice recorder. Go journalism.
OH MY GOD DO YOU REMEMBER WISHBONE? DO YOU REMEMBER THAT LITTLE BITCH? WHAT'S THE STORY WISHBONE
As we were about to go at it, his roommates barged in singing jumper by third eye blind. Weirdest almost one night stand ever.
Dude you filled up a protein shake mixer with White Russians so you didn't have to keep coming upstairs.
I'm pretty sure the girl in the stall next to me is waiting on me to leave so she can poop but I'm doing the same thing so it's like a Mexican standoff
God gave me a talent besides one night stands. I feel like I should use it
I woke up with her finger in my vag. Let's just say that I'm one horny inquisitive drunk.
You know you suck at relationships when you are sitting in the airport on Christmas day, alone, swiping on Tinder.
Seriously. There were about 4 hours in which I swear my nose was not attached to my face.
This is a hangover from hell. Delivered by the devil himself.
Randomize
