so he stopped for a second, looked up at me and said in a really creepy voice, "I can has cheeseburger?" and then went back to eating me out.
I don't know. I woke up in the back of a cab in a drive thru line at whataburger with police lights flashing and my friend yelling" you didn't have to sell us out phil!" to the cab driver.
After New Year's Eve I will be hibernating my life away. Only wake me up for skiing, schnapps, and sex. In that order.
We fed your dog hot wings then gave it some Bud light to drink. You're right. Dogs are fun.
Omg calling you in 10 to update you on who I peed on last night
This was just another one of those days you wished you had a penis-size indicator instead of wasting your time isn't it?
sold 4 oz of weed today pantsless. man i love college.
Honestly I'm not even that excited to see my boyfriend. I'm more excited to see his penis. His penis inside of me.
And my coffee table looks like something out of Scarface
We got high and watched Winnie the Pooh. Isn't that what every normal person does on their break?
Homophobes nationwide are huddled in their bunkers tonight and I can't stop giggling. Could be the wine.
Beyoncé wouldn't let anything bad happen here
Sometimes I just take my boobs out of my shirt so they can get some fresh air
thanks for passing me through your vagina 20 years ago today. your the best
I think I'm taking after my dog, I just want to hump everything
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