you missed a midterm to shack? WOW. How desperate are you?
he opened the microwave and beer cans poured out
Apparently I joined a band last night. Definitely my favorite blackout.
I just realized I'm the burger in your burger and steak anology. Very disconcerting.
yeah we're mixing orange juice, vodka, and rum and calling it Oj Simpson On Trial
i'm going as a slutty football player, and all night i'll drunkily whisper "id love to catch your balls." into random strangers ears.
Worst drunk idea ever... Me "Cops are looking for two guys, one in a grey shirt one in a blue shirt" jelly "lets take out shirts off they'll never find us" of course I thought it was brilliant
I just wanna get hammered somewhere crazy. Meet some chicks. Bang them and then go scuba diving.
The only person I have to bring is crazy hospital guy
HE'S NOT INVITED!!!
in the midst of studying i picked up my capsule full of untouched weed, popped it open, and whispered "soon" into it. midterms man
I just made my dating life into my own game show. would you like to meet the contestants? (photos not included)
We ran out of toilet paper so Ive been using coffee filters
The magnum condom fits. I feel like a manly version of cinderella
You are talking to me during sexting hours. Be careful, innuendos are taken seriously
It wasn't my fault.
You let her suck your neck. Yes it was your fault.
Randomize
