I would rather wake up to a truck driver than wake up to her
never thought i'd see a ''climb of shame'' until she came down from the attic in front of the whole party..
on a side note you can NOT make bong water out of a pear
shape ups are the best shoes to wear when youre stoned. its like walking on little trampolines every step.
All I could understand from his text was "hatchet" "soccer" & "bitch". its safe to say andy has had enough to drink & will be violent soon
I took my pants off in the cab and tried to bite his ear. Not going oout for awhile
My dildo fell into the bathtub. It sounded like a chainsaw.
Hes a nice guy and all but I'm only interested in his drunken alter ego.
I tried to high-five the cop last night. he just looked at my raised hand and told me to go to bed.
We got to the hotel at 12AM with nothing but a plastic bag of magnum condoms and lube, while wearing glow sticks. The receptionist handed us a bunch of water bottles and said "These are on us.", not even phased by three dudes about to have a threesome. I love this town.
I wound up running down the street in 12 degree weather in just my bra and then fell asleep cuddling my bottle. You tell me how last night went.
My mom just drunk texted me complaining about her genitals smelling like Taco Bell. I really am her son
My makeup bag looks like it has lips and wants to sing to me... Too high?
I love Texas men! TSA agent found my vibrator, nodded approvingly, and said, “You have a nice night, ma’am” with a cowboy accent. I almost made out with him on the spot
Apologies that our conversations always turn to butt sex or penis size. I thought we out grew that in our 20's.
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