I finally got laid.. you said it wouldn't happen.
You only like me because I'm a challenge
You already blew me
Don't let the fact that shes seen my penis discourage you
Your never gonna wash that desperation outta that sweatshirt you know.
You tried to initiate "Occupy McDonald's" when the cashier didn't give you enough ketchup.
You should be proud. How many people can say they GAVE a stripper an std?
So this guy is eyeing me from across the bar. Either the girl I hit on next to him is his girlfriend or he's her gay best friend. I should show him my Penis and find out.
Dude. Do it.
Definitely her date. But she saw it too. So now he used to be her date. Why can't this stuff Happen when I'm sober?
The novelty of Nekkid Straight Roommate has faded.
Partying with them is like having your dick stapled to your left nostril
To confirm, you are a grown ass man and you just asked me what her vag looked like.
I SHOULD NOT BE HAVING AN EXISTENTIAL CRISIS OVER PIZZA
I'm pants less watching buffy the vampire slayer drinking rum. I'm not that hard to impress
Oh also we fucked while one of the old Rudolph movies was playing on tv so it was festive
I love how when he said ecstasy pills both of our heads whipped around like a couple of horned owls.
I don’t care that he’s a decade younger. He’s cute and I need a good penising
Randomize
