maybe we dont have boyfriends because we dont have tans
my vagina has a 5:00 shadow
Just got done shaving my balls. You were right.
I just met the 30 percent of the population with an STD
Ordered my mom Mother's Day flowers online and moved on to internet porn. Do you think this is some sort of Freudian slip?
Dude turns out her best friend is lesbian...there is no wingman for this situation
i am positive it's ok to drink. it's just pieces of the plastic knife i forgot was in the blender.
she went apple picking. why dont we do cute things like that? let's go to a pumpkin patch!
because we're not cute. we're sluts. and sluts don't go apple picking.
I'm going to pre plan my black out tonight. I think I'll set a change of clothes out on my bed and unplug the oven.
I woke up to a gnawing sound in the middle of the night and asked him what it was. He told me it was the family of squirrels that lives in the wall and to go back to sleep.
PS- I just ordered a two man zebra costume. Would you like to be my back end?
forgot to tell you your neighbor walked out of her house this morning just as I was leaving shirtless
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
I fought a guy last night because he said "extra pulp orange juice is the best orange juice"
He chose me to be his birthday sex..theres a lot of pressure riding on this bang
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