Running into every girl no one would hook up with here at rick's. Typical.
12 pack with dinner. Living by yourself is awesome.
ok so the lil girl sitting behind u was picking the hairs off ur sisters back and putting them in her mouth
someone just drove by blasting livin on a prayer and threw like 6 bagels out the window... was it you?!
How would u feel about transportimg a penis shaped ice luge to nashville?
True. I'd rather snort cocaine off a homeless guy then work on the weekend...Actually that may not be that bad.
Yehhhaaww I'm way ahead of you. I'm gunna get her a card that says " I'm sorry your now ex boyfriend decided to upgrade"
This is the only time in your life where finding a half eaten lime and pair of florescent pink underwear that wasn't yours means that it was a good night
I sent him an 18 page sext. He's going to have a good morning.
your sister totally cock blocked me last night don't even think about inviting her to taco night
I convinced a shit ton of people I was a russian foreign exchange student to get free drinks. I knew learning those accents would come in handy.
you walked in, put on rap music and started chugging vodka
Will you fuck me while I eat my burrito though? I'm kind of hungry.
I'm just impressed that you can puke without losing your gum
Dealing with people is so much easier after you've had an orgasm or 4.
Randomize
