Cool, see you soon... she just admitted to her friends that it was a queef.
My landlord doesn't knock anymore when he shows the apt... So i just had sex in front of a family.
didn't stop?
naw, they were rude, not me.
Theres a baby at this concert double fisting pacifiers. shes gunna do great in college.
If a man's penis is referred to as "the family jewels" does that make a woman's vagina a jewelry box?
he opened up his "box of magic": a crusty tube of KY jelly, three expired condoms, a fingertip vibrater, and a jar of marshmallow fluff.
He just keeps repeating "this isn't my bagel".. i'm worried for his safety
It's like split custody, only he's not a kid and they have sex with him.
BTW, it's bullshit to say that not doing a shot is unpatriotic. You know how I fall for that.
You know it was a good weekend when; you leave a bi-lingual letter of apology on top of a stack of cash for hotel housekeeping.
the only thing you said was do the helicopter dick
It's 3 in the morning and there is a bird chirping it's head off outside. GOD DAMNIT THIS IS NOT A TIME TO SING OF YOUR CHEERFUL BIRD MERRIMENT YOU STUPID BIRD CUNT!
DOMA is dead. I'm definitely going to be the last of our friends to get married now.
I tried to put my heels in the coat check
How drunk you think somebody has to be, that they think that putting out a profile pic like that can be even a slightly good idea?
This might be the worst thing you've ever done.
Really? I feel like I've done worse. Guess I gotta step my game up.
Randomize
